Because sometimes you just need to look at pretty stuff.
Let’s face it…life can really suck sometimes. Natural disasters, sociopaths in disguise, disease, and Sarah Palin are things that exist in the world. We all have those days where our emotions take a beating and it feels like a pretty tragic place. But we can’t let that harden us, my beautiful souls! When those heartbreaking situations arise, let’s take a deep breath and remember the silver linings all around us. My darlings, let’s sit back and take in some of the things, moments, and experiences that make this life absolutely wonderful…
Dinner parties where the conversation is so good, the party goes way past dessert.
People named after flowers.
When you’re the only one in your row on a plane. Stretch those legs babycakes because you just won the lottery of 30,000 feet up in the air.
New Years Eve.
Snowy days that make you feel like you actually are walking in a winter wonderland.
Really fun wedding receptions.
Getting lost. Because of how good it feels when you find your way.
Happy hour. It truly is the happiest hour of the day.
The sometimes infuriating, but totally worth it process of falling in love.
The fact that we have a black president who supports same sex marriage. I don’t care if you think he’s a Kenyan communist, that fact is pretty rad. #merica
Pop songs that are so good but so embarrassing that they only live in the speakers jammed directly into your ears.
Miniature versions of normal-sized things. ALWAYS CUTE.
Thinking about someone you haven’t seen for a long time, and then seeing them out of the blue and saying “oh my gosh I was just thinking about you!”
The night before a vacation you’ve been waiting months for.
Moments when everything just seems to fall into place.
When you find a toy or book you loved as a child and you immediately smell crayons and dirt.
Music with a soul.
The people who not only accept your flaws, but love you even more because of them.
The smell of burning leaves.
When someone gives you a genuine compliment on a day you’re looking like season one Carrie Bradshaw. Woof.
Getting out of the city and actually seeing the stars.
Realizing that getting older is a privilege, not a punishment. Wrinkles don’t hold a candle to learned wisdom.
Road trips with good soundtracks.
Brunch. With alcohol.
The empowering revelation that it’s never too late.
Fresh sheet Sundays. Even when it’s on a Tuesday.
The early days of spring when even though you’re an adult with a full time job, you feel like school is almost out for the summer.
Going through old photos.
Rainy Sundays spent watching movies and eating oreos.
The moment you realize everything actually does happen for a reason.
*But only the good kind.
Today I’m grateful for…
Finding new recipes I can’t believe I ever lived without before.
Sudden bursts of inspiration.
My parental units. I think I could tell them I wanted to change my sex and join the circus and they’d be right there with a Men’s Warehouse* gift card and tuition for Cirque du Soleil college.
Looking forward to a vacation that’s months away.
*Side note: My parents have way better taste than Men’s Warehouse, but Tom Ford didn’t have the same effect.
Your inner voice is a bitch. But she’s a bitch for a reason.
There are some lessons in life that people can warn you of over and over ahead of time, but you really don’t understand them unless you learn them firsthand. Your mom told you the stove was hot, but you needed to stick your 3-year-old chicken nugget of a hand on it to see for yourself. Your bestie told you to not mix tequila and beer but you didn’t really comprehend it until you found yourself keeled over a toilet bowl full of skinny margaritas and Bud Light.
One of these life lessons that I’ve heard from multiple people, including the goddess herself, Oprah Winfrey, is to always follow your intuition. If your gut is telling you something, it’s true. But the one caveat to this advice that they don’t tell you, is how incredibly hard it is to follow sometimes. Because most of the time, our intuition is telling us to not do something we really want to do. Like date the wrong guys.
I won’t go into details, but I recently dated someone who was perfect in almost every way except one: my instincts told me he was living some weird double life. Now besides a few red flags, I had zero proof or concrete reason to think this, I just did. And long story short, I eventually found out my gut feeling was exactly right and he really was a two-timing sociopath.
Even though my inner voice was screaming, “there is something off about this situation” I shut it up because I didn’t want it to be true. Even though I had heard it’s important to listen to your intuition, it was so easy not to. It was easy to talk myself out of my instincts because at the time, I figured all they really were, were a cluster of feelings. But upon reflection, I’ve realized our intuition is so much more. Sadness, happiness, anger, etc. are all feelings from your heart. But your intuition is something that comes from a much deeper place.
When you stop and think about it, our intuition is an incredibly strange phenomenon. We’re almost positive something is true even though we can have pretty much zero reason or evidence to think it is—and nine times out of 10 we’re right on. It’s so much more than just a feeling. It’s like our sixth sense that serves as a barometer of bullshit. When your heart is broken, you feel it in your chest. When your inner voice is telling you something, you feel it in the pit of your stomach. You can trick yourself into being happy, but if you try and trick your intuition, all you’re going to get is “girrrrrl, who you think you playin’?”
Just like the hot stove and poor Spring Break ’09 decision, following my instinct was something I had to learn for myself. And like a fair amount of lessons in life, I had to learn the difficult way. And as much as I want to reiterate this lesson to you my cute little reader and tell you to always listen to that inner voice, I also know that sometimes the beating heart wants what the beating heart wants, and you have to learn it on your own. So I’ll phrase it this way: They say follow your heart but take your brain with you. I agree with this to a certain extent. But I feel it’s more that our heart communicates our feelings, our brain communicates our logic. And somewhere in the middle, in the pit of your beautiful soul, is your intuition, communicating the answer.
“Lay Me Down (Acoustic)” by Sam Smith
…when you aren’t quite over him yet.
….immediately get down with someone else.
Besides the fact that the phrase “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” is completely is whore-ish, it’s also scientifically incorrect. Yes my sexual deviants, according to a study done by the University of Missouri (I’m just as surprised as you that people in Missouri have sex), people who reported the use of sex to get over a relationship continued to have sex with new partners eight months later, behavior that shows “a lack of recovery and inability to move on.” So basically science confirms that you can slut yourself around town all you want, but you will still burst into tears every time you hear his name. And don’t claim you can have sex with absolutely zero feelings. You can try to fight it harder than a Republican, but science again proves you wrong. Thanks to our homegirl biology (she can be SUCH a bitch), when women have sex with someone, they release a hormone that makes them feel attached to the other person. Let me play your fairy godmother and tell you now that you are way too fragile for that, babycakes.
….be a drunk hot mess.
I know this one is completely obvious but I just feel it’s my duty as an American to make it loud and clear. If you drink too much, I promise on whatever religious piece of literature you abide by that you will get emotional and and you will get embarrassing. The bartender/your mom/your roommate doesn’t want to hear about how you really thought he was “the one” through gargled vodka and tears. Also if you find yourself drunk and knee-deep in emotions, there’s a phenomenal chance you will drunk text or even worse, drunk dial the guy who broke your heart. Do you really want to wake up tomorrow surrounded by McDonald’s and covered in shame reading your “i luvz u 4eva i cant live wit out uuuuu” declarations of love?
…immediately go on a date with someone else.
Dates are fun. I get it. Who doesn’t want to get all sassed up and have some guy take you out? I guess this one isn’t a total and absolute don’t, but more like a proceed with caution. If you go out with another guy, there are a few ways this could play out: A.) The guy you go out with is amazing and you want to see him again. You can’t even remember old what’s-his-name. B.) The guy you go out with is just OK and you have a just OK time. Or C.) The guy is so awful you end up drinking yourself into oblivion and fall asleep on the bathroom floor of the restaurant (I’ve heard this can happen…). If A happens, then congratulations, you’re one of the small percentages of girls this happens to and you’re on a solid path to getting over that creep. Read no further! But if B or C happens, I’m telling you…you’ll just end up pissed. A bad date alone is annoying for many reasons. But when you add that you’re also in the process of getting over someone you actually adored, the annoyance is taken to another level. You obviously compare how mediocre or awful this guy is to the guy who used to kiss your hand and build you fires. And then you wish you were with him instead. And then you remember you can’t be with him, because you broke up. And then the high of your perfect date outfit is gone and you’re sad all over again. So I warn you, date at your own risk.
….be a crazy person.
I don’t care if he slept with your best friend. I don’t care if he dumped you at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. Shaming his name and broadcasting his flaws on every platform you can find isn’t a cute look. I know your heart is shattered and you might feel like this will make you feel better in the moment, but I promise you it only makes you look like a sad lunatic. That “My cheating ex-bf has a tiny package, ladies watch out” Facebook status you think is really sticking it to him actually reeks of desperation. Sorry my sweetie, but not even the best Bobbi Brown concealer can hide a girl’s heartbreak.
….have a gUrLz NiGhT oUt.
I’m not saying be the girl who says things like “OuT wiTh Ma LaDiEz!” while she and her “gurlz” roll to da club in a white hummer limo, wearing jewel-tone satin cocktail dresses. Sweet love of life, please just always be anything but that. What I am saying is you simply need to gather your flock of best girlfriends and hit the town. Look hot, suck down a little Patron, and let the guy you met in line for the bathroom who told you you smell like summer ask for your phone number. You won’t be fully healed, but female bonding and a little confidence boost go incredibly far.
….let yourself have one or two good cries.
In the age of social media where posts, status updates, photos, etc. are constantly telling the world about the state of your life, it’s easy to feel pressured to put your strong girl face on right after a breakup. Like you have to be all independent-wo-man-hear-me-roar-his-loss-not-mine-miss-moving-on-in-your-face. Now, if that’s really how you feel, then you go on with your bad self! But it’s likely that you’re not quite there yet and what you really want to do is cry into a bowl of doughnut glaze and listen to Adele. If that’s the case my darling, consider this your official permission to do so. Sometimes we just need to cry damn it, and no Kelly Clarkson man-hating anthem can change that. And nine times out of 10 you actually feel amazing after. A little puffy and soggy, but amazing nonetheless.
I read the entire thing on a plane ride once after going through a particularly tragic breakup and had multiple “a-ha” moments. I ended up giving it to the elegant lesbian sitting next to me who I discovered after a conversation during eight minutes of turbulence was going through a tough breakup herself. I like to tell myself the book changed her life, she found the love of her life and thanked the friendly Nebraskan she met on a plane in her civil union vows. I’M DEEP LIKE THAT.
….count your fortunes.
Yes, your relationship ended. But your life didn’t. Your heart may be broken, but your legs aren’t. You may be a party of one on V-Day, but you have plenty of friends to party with. Catch my drift here? It’s a big, beautiful world out there my love, and there are so many dazzling things to be happy about.
Everyone has their THANGS, right?
The greatest story of self-discovery ever told